There is so much I want to say and yet the words are not readily available. As if my head and heart have been blocked from communication. At times like these, I press forward with the "pen" so to speak. in hopes that the blockade will break and the words pour forth more freely.
Robert Frost wrote: "something there is that does not love a wall.." I could not lay my hands on the poem but as I remember it he talked of how the frozen ground will swell and send the upper boulders of the wall tumbling to the earth. It is as if the earth rebels against the building of a wall between neighbors. Robert Frost captures the human delimit. We build walls for protection, only to discover that they need constant repair and in the end, for the most part must be torn down all together so that we can live in community. We were never intended to live alone.
The grand discovery of life is when independence slams into the broken heart. When we discover that we need outside of ourselves we are closer to God than ever before. Very recently. I have had the collision. My independence has slammed into brokenness. At the point of this writing , I am not sure what the outcome will be. save a deeper. closer walk with God.
I have been here before, it is familiar ground. The shadow of the mountain looms over me as I walk through the valley. God has upset my wall. Its boulders are tumbling down. There are new paths for me to walk and this is my motivation. I have nothing to go back too. I have no more walls to hide behind.
Stripped of title. old friendship, security. one can only present oneself. I have talents, abilities, accolades, but in a new place these things are unknown and unproven. Somehow it is good to be in this place. God's voice is more easily heard, there are fewer distractions. A familiar hope is stirring within a desire to reconnect with original purpose. I am closer to God now and it is comforting.
What is just over the mountain? My mission and purpose are moving me forward and I am grateful for the valley as I press for the mountain top.